[ooc: please excuse icons, I mostly have to do this from
email!]
Not exactly?
[Gamu frowned, wondering if there was something he could do to help. Gai
looked... older, but not so much physically as emotionally. As if he'd been
through quite a lot since they'd last met. Hell, possibly physically, too.]
Ah. You want to talk about it? My place isn't far, or we can go sit on the
beach?
[Gamu will be surprised to learn it's been quite THAT long. He knows about
Ultramen. He knows that there are other species too which live longer than
humans. That is a significant chunk of time, though.]
[He frowns at the shadow behind Gai's words, but nods at him to continue
along to the beach with him. They can get a drink or something and sit on
the sand.]
[The idea that Gamu might be told that he doesn't understand something feels odd. Even after all these years, Gai still can't help but see Gamu as the older, more experienced one.]
Complicated sounds right.
It's about Juggler. Things have been bad between us, but I made it worse. There might not be any way to fix things now.
[Gamu listens with intent sympathy, trying to separate out how it might've
felt from each person's perspective. Gai's being blunt, he's obviously not
trying to make himself look good, but everyone has blind spots about their
significant other(s). Everyone.]
[He just wants to help, not to make them more entrenched in their
positions. Gamu appreciates that Gai's even willing to spill like this.
It's not easy.]
Maybe you need to think about how you truly see him, now? If he's a
murderous bastard or your friend from before or something in between, and
if you can put the murderous bastard part aside long enough to actually
enjoy seeing him? Doesn't mean either of you have to forgive... just means
there would have to be enough there between you that you could accept
enjoying his company.
[He takes another sip of his tea. His voice is gentle. He wants to
encourage, but he doesn't want to judge, doesn't want to preach. He wants
to help Gai think about it, he doesn't want to tell Gai exactly what to do.
He's not perfect in this area himself.]
Maybe think about that, before you make decisions on his behalf. If either
of you decide you don't want to be around each other, well, that's your
right. But your hearts are connected, and they always will be.
[And that's the problem, isn't it? Gai still isn't sure how he sees Juggler anymore. He's not what he'd become over the last 4000 years, but he's not who he used to be either. In-between doesn't feel right either.
And he can't just make that decision for Juggler. He can't keep hurting him.
He stays quiet for a while, still thinking about it.]
Hard, isn't it. Figuring out how much to say, because you need to
communicate to let the other guy know how you're feeling, and how much to
keep to yourself in case it causes pain.
[Which is what leads him into trouble like this. It doesn't help that the one way he really does know how to convey his emotions, through music, is the thing that annoys Juggler the most.]
I'll start off doing...okay, maybe. But then I manage to ruin everything.
I've never known exactly what to say, to express my feelings. Or how to deal with someone else's, all the time. But with music, I usually managed to make a connection. I could hear what was in their heart, and play what mine was saying.
With Juggler, though, he just hears the same tune over and over from me.
[Gamu looks with great interest, and respect. He appreciates that Gai -
especially when he's self-diagnosed at finding it hard to talk - is sharing
this much with him.]
So you're saying that you play different tunes each time, improvised on the
spot, from the heart? And he hears exactly the same thing every time?
It's based off a melody from my homeworld. I know humans don't have the hearing range to pick up the differences in the notes. The only person who came close knew a lullaby that blended into it perfectly, and she passed it on to her family.
[Natasha was...different, to say the least. Special. While Naomi was too, it was also a different kind of special and different, even though they were both very similar as well. Natasha, however, had picked up on his music in a way that most humans didn't.]
[It honestly had never occurred to Gai that Juggler might simply not have the same type of hearing that he did. He'd already figured out that most people couldn't "hear" the same distant cries for help that he could, but not being able to pick up the subtle notes of the orbnica any better than a human could?
It's probably for the best that he doesn't mention this to Juggler. He doesn't want him to start thinking that it's another thing to be hard on himself about.]
He usually makes grand displays. I don't know if that's what he likes in return, but...
[But Gai cannot do "grand" if his life depended on it. Nor can he really handle it either.]
[Maybe he needs to mention it in some way. To make it clearer to Juggler
that he has been trying, in a way that Juggler hasn't picked up on. It's
difficult to do that for either Gai or Juggler without sounding accusatory
or defensive. It's sure not simple. But maybe he does need to tell him
about it in some way.]
What kind of grand display are you thinking of? There might be some virtue
in something smaller?
You can't fix everything in one big gesture, as you know. I think the part
to put the most energy into has to be the part where it's meaningful,
whether it's big or small. Something that shows that you've been listening
to him, to what he's been telling you about how he feels. Something that
shows that you have a good understanding of his heart, and that you really
want to work with him to address the issues between you guys, because you
care about him.
If you don't want to do that, of course. If you don't want to spend time
with him, if you can't see benefit from it, that's up to you. It's your
prerogative, Gai.
I don't mean with any of this that he's flawless and all the mistakes have
been yours. You two would have to work together, to find the places in your
hearts that hurt, and help each other heal them.
But I understand that it wasn't right for the two of you.
Can you think of something special that he likes? Doesn't have to be big or
expensive. Just something specific to him, that you can buy him or do for
him.
Then think about something to say. Something that tells him what you've
been saying to me. That you want to be with him, and you want to make
things better between you. You can include the negative things if you need
to, but I think he probably won't assume that you saying 'I want to be with
you' means that you're no longer shadowed by your mutual past.
[That's easy, to the point that Gai feels like it's incredibly shallow. He runs a hand through his hair and tries again.]
He's picky about his tastes. He liked Black Star's, though. And it was the one place we could go, even when we were at each other's throats, where we could have a truce.
[He sighs.]
The old man shut it down, though. He didn't even get a chance to see Juggler before he closed up shop.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onlyembers
no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 10:34 pm (UTC)It’s been a long time.
...Is everything all right?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-12 06:00 pm (UTC)[At least, if it has to be one of the past Ultras, it's Gamu, the one who knows most what it's like to deal with a frustrating rival/friend/whatever.]
I've been having some problems with Juggler. And both he and Zero-san were sure to let me know exactly how much of it was my fault.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-13 03:08 am (UTC)[ooc: please excuse icons, I mostly have to do this from email!]
Not exactly?
[Gamu frowned, wondering if there was something he could do to help. Gai looked... older, but not so much physically as emotionally. As if he'd been through quite a lot since they'd last met. Hell, possibly physically, too.]
Ah. You want to talk about it? My place isn't far, or we can go sit on the beach?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-14 08:17 pm (UTC)Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.
[It actually doesn't, not after talking got him into so much trouble in the first place, but it's really hard to say no to Gamu.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-15 03:30 am (UTC)[Gamu will be surprised to learn it's been quite THAT long. He knows about Ultramen. He knows that there are other species too which live longer than humans. That is a significant chunk of time, though.]
[He frowns at the shadow behind Gai's words, but nods at him to continue along to the beach with him. They can get a drink or something and sit on the sand.]
[quietly] You're hurting. A lot.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-16 06:26 pm (UTC)Yeah.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 12:09 pm (UTC)[Gamu has iced tea, and he opens it carefully. He shifts his weight on the sand, making himself comfortable.]
[He says wryly] If your situation is anything like mine, I imagine you've been told you don't understand? Multiple times?
Not that that's not true. It's just complicated.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-23 02:57 am (UTC)Complicated sounds right.
It's about Juggler. Things have been bad between us, but I made it worse. There might not be any way to fix things now.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-23 03:23 am (UTC)[It's weird, isn't it. Gamu's younger, to a ridiculous extent. But relatively speaking, he's still older than Gai.]
Mm. I got to that point with Fujimiya, more than once.
Do you want to fix things?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-23 04:00 am (UTC)Of course. But I have no idea how to do that. Or if it's even possible at this point.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-23 04:08 am (UTC)[Gamu smiles at that, open and unguarded, and reaches over to briefly grip his shoulder]
I’m glad about that.
What went wrong?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-24 05:18 am (UTC)I said that he was unstable. Part of me still feels like that was accurate. But it was the wrong thing to say.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-24 07:14 am (UTC)[Gamu listens with intent sympathy, trying to separate out how it might've felt from each person's perspective. Gai's being blunt, he's obviously not trying to make himself look good, but everyone has blind spots about their significant other(s). Everyone.]
That hurt him, a lot, yeah/
no subject
Date: 2019-08-28 12:59 am (UTC)But after all that, I don't even know where to start to make it right. Or if maybe he's just better off without me messing everything up.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 02:25 am (UTC)[He just wants to help, not to make them more entrenched in their positions. Gamu appreciates that Gai's even willing to spill like this. It's not easy.]
Maybe you need to think about how you truly see him, now? If he's a murderous bastard or your friend from before or something in between, and if you can put the murderous bastard part aside long enough to actually enjoy seeing him? Doesn't mean either of you have to forgive... just means there would have to be enough there between you that you could accept enjoying his company.
[He takes another sip of his tea. His voice is gentle. He wants to encourage, but he doesn't want to judge, doesn't want to preach. He wants to help Gai think about it, he doesn't want to tell Gai exactly what to do. He's not perfect in this area himself.]
Maybe think about that, before you make decisions on his behalf. If either of you decide you don't want to be around each other, well, that's your right. But your hearts are connected, and they always will be.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 05:20 am (UTC)And he can't just make that decision for Juggler. He can't keep hurting him.
He stays quiet for a while, still thinking about it.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-11 02:15 am (UTC)[Gamu touches his shoulder lightly, briefly]
Hard, isn't it. Figuring out how much to say, because you need to communicate to let the other guy know how you're feeling, and how much to keep to yourself in case it causes pain.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-12 10:04 pm (UTC)[Which is what leads him into trouble like this. It doesn't help that the one way he really does know how to convey his emotions, through music, is the thing that annoys Juggler the most.]
I'll start off doing...okay, maybe. But then I manage to ruin everything.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-17 12:07 am (UTC)[Gamu gives him a wry, pained grin.] I've been there.
What do you think you do wrong, to 'ruin everything'?
What do you think you do right?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-18 03:42 am (UTC)[That feels accurate. It doesn't matter what he does, it's somehow always wrong.]
Juggler's always been better than me at just about everything. And the few things I can do, he's not always a fan of.
[Namely the orbnica. It's always been how he processed his emotions. But for Juggler, it's just a nuisance.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-18 09:09 am (UTC)I'm not sure that's quite true... wait, what do you mean?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-19 02:30 am (UTC)I've never known exactly what to say, to express my feelings. Or how to deal with someone else's, all the time. But with music, I usually managed to make a connection. I could hear what was in their heart, and play what mine was saying.
With Juggler, though, he just hears the same tune over and over from me.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-19 02:44 am (UTC)[Gamu looks with great interest, and respect. He appreciates that Gai - especially when he's self-diagnosed at finding it hard to talk - is sharing this much with him.]
So you're saying that you play different tunes each time, improvised on the spot, from the heart? And he hears exactly the same thing every time?
Do other people hear the same tune?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-19 03:24 am (UTC)[Natasha was...different, to say the least. Special. While Naomi was too, it was also a different kind of special and different, even though they were both very similar as well. Natasha, however, had picked up on his music in a way that most humans didn't.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-20 03:43 am (UTC)[Gamu grins. Always delighted to learn something new.]
That's incredible, Gai.
And explains a lot.
So how do we help Juggler to hear it, and how do we help you to communicate with him in other ways?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-20 05:27 pm (UTC)It's probably for the best that he doesn't mention this to Juggler. He doesn't want him to start thinking that it's another thing to be hard on himself about.]
He usually makes grand displays. I don't know if that's what he likes in return, but...
[But Gai cannot do "grand" if his life depended on it. Nor can he really handle it either.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-21 08:45 am (UTC)[Maybe he needs to mention it in some way. To make it clearer to Juggler that he has been trying, in a way that Juggler hasn't picked up on. It's difficult to do that for either Gai or Juggler without sounding accusatory or defensive. It's sure not simple. But maybe he does need to tell him about it in some way.]
What kind of grand display are you thinking of? There might be some virtue in something smaller?
You can't fix everything in one big gesture, as you know. I think the part to put the most energy into has to be the part where it's meaningful, whether it's big or small. Something that shows that you've been listening to him, to what he's been telling you about how he feels. Something that shows that you have a good understanding of his heart, and that you really want to work with him to address the issues between you guys, because you care about him.
If you don't want to do that, of course. If you don't want to spend time with him, if you can't see benefit from it, that's up to you. It's your prerogative, Gai.
I don't mean with any of this that he's flawless and all the mistakes have been yours. You two would have to work together, to find the places in your hearts that hurt, and help each other heal them.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-19 03:08 am (UTC)[Things that Gai felt incredibly awkward with. He wasn't the kind of person who could dress himself up or be comfortable in situations like that.]
I want to spend time with him. But I don't know how to convey my feelings, or how to fix anything that I've done.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-28 02:19 am (UTC)[Gamu smiles] That sounds really nice.
But I understand that it wasn't right for the two of you.
Can you think of something special that he likes? Doesn't have to be big or expensive. Just something specific to him, that you can buy him or do for him.
Then think about something to say. Something that tells him what you've been saying to me. That you want to be with him, and you want to make things better between you. You can include the negative things if you need to, but I think he probably won't assume that you saying 'I want to be with you' means that you're no longer shadowed by your mutual past.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-02 04:50 am (UTC)[That's easy, to the point that Gai feels like it's incredibly shallow. He runs a hand through his hair and tries again.]
He's picky about his tastes. He liked Black Star's, though. And it was the one place we could go, even when we were at each other's throats, where we could have a truce.
[He sighs.]
The old man shut it down, though. He didn't even get a chance to see Juggler before he closed up shop.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-03 07:43 am (UTC)Do you have a chance of finding another type of coffee that he likes?
Or is there some kind of food that he likes? Something he reads? Clothes he prefers?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 01:58 am (UTC)[That does bring something to mind, though.]
There were a few good memories there, though.